I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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