Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
