We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
