I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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