I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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