Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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