He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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