so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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