so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I love you.
Bad choice
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