the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
