omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
