Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My ATM looks so different sober.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
