how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
