I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Less talking, more tequila
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
