This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
