..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
