His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
