i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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