god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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