I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
