Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
