How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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