Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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