Umm I'm too high to move.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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