but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
