ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
