guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
