It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
