i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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