end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
