Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
