So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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