you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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