My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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