Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
