clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
