Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Let's get the cat blown out
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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