i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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