I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
