I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
