Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
