Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
