It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
