Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
