i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
