two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
