I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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