You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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