I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
