someone owes me an orgasm
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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