they need to just BURY HIM!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
