I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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