I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
