Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
