i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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