im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
