So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
