my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
